well good morning Fellow humans! (nearly afternoon)
ugh, today I’m feeling pooped, I’m just having an off day i guess, i just wish i wasn’t feeling like this because every time i feel well…sad i feel as though i make others around me sad then i just want to go under my douvet and shrivvel up i know this is not what you should do so i didn’t i should be used to getting on with things like normal… smiling, talking being what is expected from my normal happier state of persona…yet i just feel gross, fake and disconnected from the world.
god this is a sad entry, but i feel as though i can write what i truly feel here, without judgement. It’s nice.
lately I’ve been off my food, eating it makes me feel like throwing up, and i love food! so what’s wrong with me? sleeping has been constant i’m always tired always in a day dream.
i’m trying desperately to fix this eating meals at the normal time, drinking a on full bottle (huge) of water every day doing things that make me happy and there are times when i feel so happy, i could…shout whatever comes to mind first (i won’t do that dw)
there i something i want to desperately get off my chest but i can’t because it’s not my place to say. it’s so important and yet my mouth won’t bring it up. i thought i had it all together, i thought i was finally getting life, but it seems i’m just not as experienced with it.
i will say my issue in a way that is hard to understand XD
when you have toast and you want to put butter on it but then you realise the peanut butter (crunchy) has been waiting just until you say you’ll put butter on the toast to jump in and say oh! now imma put my feeling on the toasst screw your feelings and all you as butter can do is except it and not get annoyed and support even it’s longing to be on the toast because you want to be a good spread. But really you’d love to be on the toast but you’re scared it’s just a phase the the toast even when you have made it clear you want to be on the toast. the end. (but not really)
i’ll get over this i just need to be strong, but i can’t lie and say i’m feeling fine today
song i relate to today: ‘pink lemonade’.